I think these posts are going to get repetative (if they haven't already). Basically my interactions with Facebook go like this:
I got on Facebook, checked my notifications, responded to wall posts and messages, sent some friend requests, posted a status update, checked my friends' pages, and got off.
Yay for the experiment.
I wonder if there are interesting things you could do on Facebook to keep it fresh, like finding a random person and starting a conversation. However, that might be a bad idea, because the person you befriend could actually be a 43 year old pedophile who fakes interest in Ke$ha and Gilmore Girls in order to prey on teenage girls. Or anyone else who likes Ke$ha and Gilmore Girls. Bad idea #1.
Maybe I could do something more rational, like start a conversation with someone I actually know. That's probably a better idea.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Facebook Day 4 and Ramblings
I'm in a rambling mood tonight. Forewarning.
I'm getting more or less bored with Facebook. I'm not allowing it to consume me like it once did. Instead, I take days between the times I check it. In doing so, I'm less obsessed with it. However, tonight, I found myself checking her page more than once. Awesome. I need to learn how to fall out of love with the idea of someone.
I accepted some friend requests and perused some walls. Mihir has sent me several lengthy messages that I have avoided reading because if I read them, then I'll have to take the time to respond to them, and I don't have the time to do that right now.
I saw pictures of an old friend who has a new girlfriend. It was strange seeing him being romantic. But I think about that the way I think about all the people from my past-they won't stay the same. Hell, I'm not the same, why should I expect them to be? I set double standards all the time.
Sometimes rooming without a roommate gets lonely. Take right now, for instance. If there were someone sharing the room with me, I could at least peek at them out of the corner of my eye and observe them studying, reading, playing on the computer, etc. and at least feel less lonely because someone is in close proximity to me. But right now, everyone is shut behind their wooden doors and I'm behind mine too, wishing that someone else's name shared the space on the outside of the door.
Everyone gets lonely. But tonight, I feel like the only one.
Teenage angst is understood when experienced, but is impossible to communicate with words.
I did down some Nyquil earlier. Maybe that's why I'm so reflective. Fuck it. I'll let myself feel sad today. Hopefully I can sleep it off.
I'm getting more or less bored with Facebook. I'm not allowing it to consume me like it once did. Instead, I take days between the times I check it. In doing so, I'm less obsessed with it. However, tonight, I found myself checking her page more than once. Awesome. I need to learn how to fall out of love with the idea of someone.
I accepted some friend requests and perused some walls. Mihir has sent me several lengthy messages that I have avoided reading because if I read them, then I'll have to take the time to respond to them, and I don't have the time to do that right now.
I saw pictures of an old friend who has a new girlfriend. It was strange seeing him being romantic. But I think about that the way I think about all the people from my past-they won't stay the same. Hell, I'm not the same, why should I expect them to be? I set double standards all the time.
Sometimes rooming without a roommate gets lonely. Take right now, for instance. If there were someone sharing the room with me, I could at least peek at them out of the corner of my eye and observe them studying, reading, playing on the computer, etc. and at least feel less lonely because someone is in close proximity to me. But right now, everyone is shut behind their wooden doors and I'm behind mine too, wishing that someone else's name shared the space on the outside of the door.
Everyone gets lonely. But tonight, I feel like the only one.
Teenage angst is understood when experienced, but is impossible to communicate with words.
I did down some Nyquil earlier. Maybe that's why I'm so reflective. Fuck it. I'll let myself feel sad today. Hopefully I can sleep it off.
Random Thoughts
Why do I feel like writing late at night? Why do I feel heavy-hearted whenever a certain song comes on, and I can't do anything but slowly drift into sadness, a feeling I've come to love?
I think I'm emotionally masochistic.
Oh, you're such a teenager, Ben. One day you'll forget what it's like to feel this way. One part of you is saying to cherish it, to remember it, don't belittle it. And another part of you feels the weight of everyone who has ever felt the same way and has grown up, gotten married, lived 4590 more days that have worn the memories thin and replaced them with thoughts of grandchildren, vocation, and retirement. You're young, so what? I was young once too. You're not unique.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Facebook Day 2
I am attempting to get on Facebook as infrequently as I can, in hope that I won't become a slave to it.
Yesterday, I saw my Facebook activity through my email throughout the day, learning that people had accepted my friend requests or written on my wall. Using email notification was a smart move by Facebook, because it brings to my attention every interaction that occurs, thus making me want to get online to respond. Very sneaky, FB.
Here's the deal. I consider getting on Facebook on my phone lesser than getting on Facebook on a computer. I don't know why. Maybe it's because the screen is smaller and the format is different, thus making it inferior to the traditional, formal layout of computer layout Facebook. I prefer dealing with Facebook on a computer because it seems easier to navigate than on a phone, where you have to touch everything with your finger (which sometimes is difficult) and zoom in all the time. Computers are the best way to interact with Facebook.
I accepted some friend requests, observed what people had written on my wall, responded to messages people sent me (which I find to be most intimate and personal interaction on Facebook) and half-heartedly scanned through photos of several people. I then realized that I hadn't ever updated my status, and I started to stress. I find status updates to be taxing, because I used to put up quotes that made me seem intellectual and artistic, but the trick was to not to post quotes that made me seem too intellectual and artistic, a line that is difficult to walk. Now, in an attempt to avoid that excessive effort, I've decided only to post statuses that provide relevant, interesting, or important information. I don't want to update people with my every thought, because most of my thoughts are immature, incomplete, and illogical. Why would I want to share that with everybody? That's just asking for trouble.
My feelings toward Facebook are still positive. Maybe I had bad feelings about Facebook because I was angry that I enslaved myself to it, and I transfered the hatred of my actions to the neutral entity to which I had bonded myself. If I can keep from depending on Facebook, maybe I won't see it as a bad thing anymore.
Yesterday, I saw my Facebook activity through my email throughout the day, learning that people had accepted my friend requests or written on my wall. Using email notification was a smart move by Facebook, because it brings to my attention every interaction that occurs, thus making me want to get online to respond. Very sneaky, FB.
Here's the deal. I consider getting on Facebook on my phone lesser than getting on Facebook on a computer. I don't know why. Maybe it's because the screen is smaller and the format is different, thus making it inferior to the traditional, formal layout of computer layout Facebook. I prefer dealing with Facebook on a computer because it seems easier to navigate than on a phone, where you have to touch everything with your finger (which sometimes is difficult) and zoom in all the time. Computers are the best way to interact with Facebook.
I accepted some friend requests, observed what people had written on my wall, responded to messages people sent me (which I find to be most intimate and personal interaction on Facebook) and half-heartedly scanned through photos of several people. I then realized that I hadn't ever updated my status, and I started to stress. I find status updates to be taxing, because I used to put up quotes that made me seem intellectual and artistic, but the trick was to not to post quotes that made me seem too intellectual and artistic, a line that is difficult to walk. Now, in an attempt to avoid that excessive effort, I've decided only to post statuses that provide relevant, interesting, or important information. I don't want to update people with my every thought, because most of my thoughts are immature, incomplete, and illogical. Why would I want to share that with everybody? That's just asking for trouble.
My feelings toward Facebook are still positive. Maybe I had bad feelings about Facebook because I was angry that I enslaved myself to it, and I transfered the hatred of my actions to the neutral entity to which I had bonded myself. If I can keep from depending on Facebook, maybe I won't see it as a bad thing anymore.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Beat Generation Response (for Core)
Learning about the Beat generation is interesting to me, because the more I learn, the more I think I am a reincarnation of that generation. By that I mean I think my personality, my struggles, my teenage angst that grows from an unknown source, all that correlate with those who grew up with the threat of the atom bomb, who watched their friends get drafted to Vietnam, and saw violence in their streets. They observed the previous generation promising life and success and modesty and censorship as the remedies for happiness. They knew they could not trust those promises, because those promises produced the senseless violence that pervaded their lives. They were without role models, without instruction about how to live, without a leader to show them the way home. So they set out on a journey, with On The Road as their Bible and Bob Dylan as their voice, that they hoped would end at a purpose for their lives, a purpose that was deep and worthy and emotional and real.
I think my generation is a sedated version of the Beat generation. My generation has been raised in a world where technology is prevalent, where instant communication and information and validation can be found at the tips of a keyboard. We don't know any other world, just like the beats didn't know a world without wars and violence. However, I don't think we care enough to search for another way. Yes, we hate the emptiness that barges in when we turn off the music and sit in silence, but we can always turn the music back on. We hate the loneliness we feel whenever we are alone, but we can always get online and simulate conversations and emotions and intimacy through social networking institutions. The beat generation turned to sex and drugs (among other things) in search of identity and direction--we don't turn anywhere, because we don't have to realize that we have no direction. We don't have to lie awake at night, wondering about this feeling of heaviness that doesn't go away--we don't have to wonder because, instead, we can go online and find something to divert our attention. Moments that usually define peoples' courses of action, moments that stand out in one's memory years later, have been stolen by the flickering of a television screen.
Our generation can learn from the Beat generation, because we are in a similar predicament. We have been handed a lifestyle that is doing more harm than good. And once we stir from our sleep, we're going to need some direction. Hopefully we can learn from their mistakes.
I think my generation is a sedated version of the Beat generation. My generation has been raised in a world where technology is prevalent, where instant communication and information and validation can be found at the tips of a keyboard. We don't know any other world, just like the beats didn't know a world without wars and violence. However, I don't think we care enough to search for another way. Yes, we hate the emptiness that barges in when we turn off the music and sit in silence, but we can always turn the music back on. We hate the loneliness we feel whenever we are alone, but we can always get online and simulate conversations and emotions and intimacy through social networking institutions. The beat generation turned to sex and drugs (among other things) in search of identity and direction--we don't turn anywhere, because we don't have to realize that we have no direction. We don't have to lie awake at night, wondering about this feeling of heaviness that doesn't go away--we don't have to wonder because, instead, we can go online and find something to divert our attention. Moments that usually define peoples' courses of action, moments that stand out in one's memory years later, have been stolen by the flickering of a television screen.
Our generation can learn from the Beat generation, because we are in a similar predicament. We have been handed a lifestyle that is doing more harm than good. And once we stir from our sleep, we're going to need some direction. Hopefully we can learn from their mistakes.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Facebook Day 1 contd.
This is not good. I thought I would be able to restrain myself from Facebook and limit myself to getting on it once a day. This was not the case. Not even 2 hours after I erected my profile and interacted with some people on it, I checked it again. I received heartwarming welcomes to Facebook from friends, which was positive and reaffirming. I'm going to give myself some lee-way in the first few days. It's a new toy, my excitement will die down. Hopefully.
Facebook and Day 1: Optimism
I am starting an experiment with Facebook.
Recently it has occurred to me how prevalent social networking is in filmmaking. Who knows who got connected by this guy who knew her once at a party...
Personally, I tend to shy away from social networking, because I don't like relationships being based on a person we both know. It seems like a mutual bond, and it is, but it's a weak bond. Nevertheless, some would cry that that is how you make it in the real world, or something to that extend. I understand, and I have now started my compliance.
I decided to get a Facebook account, and I'm going to use it as an experiment. I will chronicle my Facebook interactions for the first 30 days. If I find that after 30 days my life was worse than when I started, I will get rid of it.
Here's my reasoning-I've not had a Facebook profile for over a year and a half. I've got to see life without the immediate interaction, without the constant updates, and without the missed opportunities that it brings. I think I can responsibly take an adventure into the jungle of Facebook and keep my head on my shoulders, avoiding trivial banter and worthless postings while discovering thought-worthy ideas and concepts and engaging in (hopefully) productive social interaction. I don't know how it will go. Let's find out.
........
Day 1
I created a Facebook account with ease. Props to Zuckerburg for making the process easy enough for anyone to create one (I, along with millions of others probably, would have had second-thoughts if the process were difficult). I added my favorite movies, music, TV shows, and books, a process that actually made me sad because I had a difficult time coming up with favorite books, revealing that I don't actually read that much. Need to get on that.
I tried to find my friend Cari to add her as my first friend, but I couldn't find her. I thought she had an account. "Oh well," I thought. "I'll find her through someone else" (that should be a slogan for Facebook). I searched for several friends without luck. Finally I found my friend Jake and added him. Suddenly, I had found a portal into my friends' world. I found friend after friend and easily added them with friend requests. I hesitated asking several people to be my "friend," because I didn't want them to see me with 5 friends and think I was a loser. I realize that train of thought is self-absorbed and shallow. That's how I think most of the time. It's constraining and frustrating, but I continue on with it for some reason.
I'm going to let it lie for right now. I can't decide if I want to make a rule for myself that I can only get on once a day. I have done that more or less by choosing to make myself blog about each Facebook encounter I have, so that should be fine.
My feelings towards Facebook (as of right now) are friendly. I see the benefit of having a profile through the connections I can make with my friends, with whom I have previously had no contact. But will the connections I'm going to make with my friends be genuine? Will we actually be communicating our true thoughts, ideas, and emotions, or will we merely be sending and receiving cardboard cutouts of ourselves; rigid, fake, static images of either who we are or who we want others to think we are. I don't know.
I wonder if I'll be able to refrain from posting pretentious, self-involved statuses about On The Road or all the films I watch that others consider elitist. Let's hope so.
Recently it has occurred to me how prevalent social networking is in filmmaking. Who knows who got connected by this guy who knew her once at a party...
Personally, I tend to shy away from social networking, because I don't like relationships being based on a person we both know. It seems like a mutual bond, and it is, but it's a weak bond. Nevertheless, some would cry that that is how you make it in the real world, or something to that extend. I understand, and I have now started my compliance.
I decided to get a Facebook account, and I'm going to use it as an experiment. I will chronicle my Facebook interactions for the first 30 days. If I find that after 30 days my life was worse than when I started, I will get rid of it.
Here's my reasoning-I've not had a Facebook profile for over a year and a half. I've got to see life without the immediate interaction, without the constant updates, and without the missed opportunities that it brings. I think I can responsibly take an adventure into the jungle of Facebook and keep my head on my shoulders, avoiding trivial banter and worthless postings while discovering thought-worthy ideas and concepts and engaging in (hopefully) productive social interaction. I don't know how it will go. Let's find out.
........
Day 1
I created a Facebook account with ease. Props to Zuckerburg for making the process easy enough for anyone to create one (I, along with millions of others probably, would have had second-thoughts if the process were difficult). I added my favorite movies, music, TV shows, and books, a process that actually made me sad because I had a difficult time coming up with favorite books, revealing that I don't actually read that much. Need to get on that.
I tried to find my friend Cari to add her as my first friend, but I couldn't find her. I thought she had an account. "Oh well," I thought. "I'll find her through someone else" (that should be a slogan for Facebook). I searched for several friends without luck. Finally I found my friend Jake and added him. Suddenly, I had found a portal into my friends' world. I found friend after friend and easily added them with friend requests. I hesitated asking several people to be my "friend," because I didn't want them to see me with 5 friends and think I was a loser. I realize that train of thought is self-absorbed and shallow. That's how I think most of the time. It's constraining and frustrating, but I continue on with it for some reason.
I'm going to let it lie for right now. I can't decide if I want to make a rule for myself that I can only get on once a day. I have done that more or less by choosing to make myself blog about each Facebook encounter I have, so that should be fine.
My feelings towards Facebook (as of right now) are friendly. I see the benefit of having a profile through the connections I can make with my friends, with whom I have previously had no contact. But will the connections I'm going to make with my friends be genuine? Will we actually be communicating our true thoughts, ideas, and emotions, or will we merely be sending and receiving cardboard cutouts of ourselves; rigid, fake, static images of either who we are or who we want others to think we are. I don't know.
I wonder if I'll be able to refrain from posting pretentious, self-involved statuses about On The Road or all the films I watch that others consider elitist. Let's hope so.
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