Musings During Church III

Today I sat in a pew for the first time in a long time. I think it was/is good for me to take a break from church, because now I come ready to listen and dissect, rather than just absorb.

This new approach lead me to wonder about several things. The first has to do with lyrics from a worship song. They say,

This is what it sounds like when you sing heavens song
This is what it feels like when heaven comes down
This is what it looks like when God is all around

I stood in a large auditorium, looking at a well-adorned stage of muted colors and expensive looking steel slabs, singing with other wealthy white people, away from sorrow or pain, always happy in this place because God is here and no one is sad when they know Him, ready to listen to a sermon (crossing our fingers for a video clip) and then head over to Chili's.

I had a hard time believing that the place I was standing was an accurate representation of what it looks like when God is all around. We weren't helping anybody. We were just making ourselves feel better. We were inwardly focused. I didn't like that.

And another thing--I wonder if we worship through song every week because it is viewed as the highest form of worship, and because it makes us feel more Christian. Because come on, we sing every. single. week. And all the songs are basically the same, pertaining to when they were written. The longer ago it was written, the more eloquent it is; the closer it was written to present day, it basically says "God is awesome and powerful and we love you!" Which isn't a bad thing, I just think we can worship saying other things to. For example, where are the lamentations? Where are the songs describing our pain and suffering? I don't think I've ever heard one sung in my church. We always talk about how we are broken people, yet all our songs seem like they come from the mouths of angels. Maybe I should write a song about the suffering of Christianity.

God,
You said to love the poor,
so I did and felt in danger.
You said to love my enemy.
So I was humiliated in front of my family when I didn't retaliate.
You said to give everything and follow you,
So I have pain in my stomach because I haven't eaten in 2 days.
You said to not conform to the world,
So I am more lonely than I've ever been.

Where is the Kingdom? It's here? Well, I couldn't tell,
because my head hurts, and my heart burns,
but you said the last will be first.
So I keep my mouth shut, hoping that one day you'll make things right.

It doesn't rhyme. Oh well.

Do you see what I mean though? We sing every week about the same thing. That has to have some impact on our idea of God and what is acceptable to Him.

I wonder what would happen if we had a Lament Day at church. All the songs are sad, the lesson is about hopelessness, and we cry together. I wonder what that would do for the church. I think it would allow us to become real to one another, instead of these fake plastic toys we are right now.

I realize that I am all criticism and no solution. I don't like that about myself.

When did sermons become centered around time? What would happen if a person had something to say, so they listed their three points, then sat down? Why does church have to be the same amount of time every single week? It is a product of time-centered America. We couldn't make plans if we didn't know when church was going to end, so we make church the same amount of time each week and mold it into another time slot in our day. I don't know if people could handle changing times of church each week. I don't even know what life would look like if everything wasn't centered around time.