A Long December

Today I spent the day with Drew, and I found that my loneliness disappeared.

We planned to spend the whole day together, so I got to his house around 10 am. No sooner had I pulled up that I found a lanky, tall, joyful kid running to meet me from his house. We hugged, I said hi to his dad, we got into the car and drove around. We were looking for something to do, and our friend Ben didn't get out of football practice until 1, who we had planned on picking up. But we picked up Cassi instead (not saying she's a replacement) and went to see Sarah at her job.

I feel like today I played a greatest hits of my life.

Sarah works at Jamba Juice. I ordered a wheatgrass shot and we mulled around talking aimlessly but mostly loving seeing each other. After a while, we said goodbye and walked around. Somehow we ended up on a hill overlooking the freeway, and I took a picture of Cassi walking away from us.


The hill was more like a cliff, seeing as there was a sharp drop into a steep slope scattered with rocks and dandelions. We talked about God and art and the difference between paths and roads.

Then we picked up Ben, the most peculiar sophomore in high school in that he seems like he is our age and should be in college. I think his deep voice helps that. We drove back to Drew's house and chilled for a while, then Ben had to go to church at 4, so Drew and Cassi took him. I went home and slept for a while.

At 6, the dinner at Drew's was scheduled to begin. I arrived to find a few people on his sister's balcony, laughing and wanting to climb the room. As more people arrived then stopped arriving, we found that everyone was here, so we started to eat.

Basically, we just shared love with each other. We told stories and laughed and Jake put out a match with his mouth and was then dosed with water. I saw Mihir and Stephen and Matt Ryan and Jake and Drew and Cassi and Sarah and Ben Goff around a table, and I felt as though I was around people I knew. People I loved. People who knew me, even though I think I'm different.
These people hold as much of my past as I do. And it felt good to share a meal together.

Later, people left and we started to watch a movie, but we were interrupted when Drew's sister and friends came home from a volleyball trip. I saw Drew see his sister for the first time after being away several months, and now I think about the first time I saw my sister after she went to A&M. Separation makes people want to see those they cannot, and when they finally do, the moment is beautiful.

The group still at the house gathered around for what seems like now a grand finale to the day: Drew and I played several songs on the piano and guitar, respectively. "Landslide" was the first, and at least from my perspective, it was magical. We dimmed the lights so everyone was no one and the music was our only concern, and it was a beauty. I think God conducted my fingers along the steel strings, allowing me to play for everyone a song that holds magic within its melody. It was in the moment that I lost consciousness of all else that I found myself at home, among those I love and care for, no longer lonely.

Now, the others are gone. Everyone has left to attend to the duties that demand attention. Only Drew and I are left. He is reading a book beside me, unaware of how much peace I feel. I feel at home around him. I guess that's what it means to have a best friend, to be able to be with one another without saying anything, but knowing that being together is more than enough.

I have heard people talk about hearing a sermon they needed to hear, or read a book that spoke to them, and I never understood until now. I needed to be here today. And today, being with my best friend, made me not feel broken. I can only assume that God is here, sitting in the distance between me and Drew, showing us that this type of love and brotherhood and friendship is what was meant to be all along.

We listened to "A Long December" all day. It was perfect for the cool weather and the sunny drives. It was perfect for today.