I ran into my RA, Alex, in the hall and he asked me where I was in "The Girl Who Played With Fire," which he knew I was reading because we had discussed it previously and I borrowed his copy. The topic drifted to Freshman Common Reading, and he told me how his freshman book, "The Same Kind of Different As Me," had made him bawl, just cry and cry uncontrollably. What this made me wonder is what type of person can cry? I can't cry while reading books, I don't cry in movies (save "Million Dollar Baby"), I can't tear up during personal stories. What is it with me?
My sister has the same problem. I'm sure myriad people have it too. What type of person can cry? What is it that makes people cry? I guess it's something that touches the sensitive part of their heart, a story that finds the soft spot and gently pushes. I have two hypothesis about criers, but I think they are intertwined. First, criers know who they are. They are confident about their personality, their likes and dislikes, and whatever else makes up an identity. If you know who you are, certain things are going to upset you or motivate you or hurt you, because (I guess) things construct your identity. If a girl cries because Ryan Gosling wrote Rachel McAdams a letter every day while he was at war, then she knows that she thinks this is beautiful, or that she wants a man like that, or something else. Criers know themselves.
Secondly, and subsequently, criers are confident with crying. Whether its in public or private, the act of crying makes one vulnerable, for whatever reason. Someone who cries must be fine with showing the weakness that crying conveys. In our culture, crying is not strength. I wonder why. Crying shows that you care about something, so why is it weak to cry? I don't understand.
I wish I could cry, because it would mean I care about something deeply. Until then, I'll have to listen to others' stories about "The Same Kind of Different As Me" and "The Notebook" without empathy.
Good questions B Weave! Interesting that you should bring up the Notebook and its emotional effect on teenage girls. I think we would all love it if someone cared for us enough to do that. It's lovely and narcissistic. It reminds me of Walt Whitman leaving letters from God in the street because he knows there will always be more.
ReplyDeleteI think crying has to do with immersing into an experience, voluntary or not. Some people can make themselves do it, some can't hold it back. Tears roll in extreme joy and struggle, which would make sense since those are the moments which define our lives.
Idea: you can watch movies like "Fargo" and "The Cable Guy" while I cannot. This is because you naturally detach yourself from the films so as to examine them sharply and objectively. I, however, seek nothing but experience in a movie, so when that experience just plain sucks, I can't stand it. How real is something to me that I would believe it enough to cry?
It's like what Bill said to Charlie in Perks about the difference between a filter or a sponge, only with our own lives.