Party, Alone

Now I know what it's like to be at a party and be alone. Everyone else is talking and socializing, but I'm a step behind them, sitting alone on the couch. I thought about leaving a while ago, but we are about to watch 180' south, a documentary that sounds interesting.

There are three pockets of people-a group watching a video on the couch in front of me; a large group is to my left talking in black accents; and a group behind me talking about people who smoke pot. I am alone on the couch, the lone eye watching the rythyms of the party, how it slowly dissolves into a friendly, intimate gathering.

Now I have allowed myself to engage in the party, moving to the other couch and watching the video on the computer. I feel more comfortable, less like I'm awkwardly sticking out.

I look over to the large group who has now migrated over to the cluster of couches by the TV. They are relaxing, one girl resting her head on her folded arm, leaning on the back of the couch.

We are now moving up to the girl's room to watch the movie, because they couldn't get the TV hooked up.

I feel like this is a twitter post. Nevertheless, I have now had the beneficial experience of being an outsider at a party, the one who everyone sees but no one notices. While I was still on the fringes, Brock made it a point to come talk to me. I assume he picked up on my awkwardness and didn't want me to feel out of place. It was very kind, and I appreciated it greatly.

Over the past several years, I have wondered why Brock and I haven't become friends. We are friends with all the same people. If two people were meant to be friends, I think Brock and I are the strongest candidates for that. I once asked Mihir what he thought about it. He said that maybe we are too similar, that we see so much of ourselves in each other. After all, we were both the church kid, we're both outgoing, we're both independent individuals. Maybe. Or maybe we just don't fit. Some people just aren't friends. I wish I understand it. But after tonight, I felt a genuine affection for Brock, as though I longed that we could be friends. Maybe we will. That would be the best.